Ok all cool things aside. Maybe i drifted and done the wrong things for the past one month or so. Sigh reminds me of 'The Reason' but besides that, i realise that emotionally i'm shit ok? my friends can all scold me baby, wuss , etc etc not because i dont have the courage or ability to do a job, Just that when it comes to emotions i'm always a total wreck. Yes i admit, i think my rationale side, the logical side,analytical side of me is about 25 years old. But emotionally i suck ok?? give me only 18 max. I learn things the hard way i realise, is that why i alwayd have that tat bit more regrets than your normal young adult? Right i'm needy, always need a companion because yes i'm afraid. ( dark years of jc days ) i'm an insecure sensitive bastard. now there you have it. sometimes i feel that my heart is gorged out but a chisel by some cruel play of the gods so that i can entertain them in their big game of chess?? or maybe i should gorge it out myself so that i wont have to endure the agony of emotional heartache. sigh sigh sigh can some master guru please lend me a helping hand? got chess later and i'm feeling damn fucking weird. brain collapsing due to insufficient rest.

i've deicided to die young. what is the point in living so old and to endure so much hardships and pain. worst still not being able to attain your dreams in life. That sucks man. But i rather be rich and powerful, to live a short but successful life with meaning. sucks dosing off in the chair. need some sleep for the stupid chess thingy later. sighzzzz life sucks!